dreams by the sea

dilde gam var şimdilik lutfeyle gelme ey sürûr
olamaz bir hânede mihmân mihmân üstüne
-râsih

you lead a horse to
water, but
oh, why the long face?
-muhibbîye-san

well i sure know how to pick’em, right down to the way the cheekbone curves down to the jaw; i swear you could be brothers — once more, then, to the trenches, in the half-light with the small town: population 93.998.

i just fucked two bitches 'fore i saw you
and you gon' have to do it at my tempo

-weekndî

there was a clean shirt. it was right there.

i didn’t dare bring up the clean shirt, which is why i have to bring it up now. and the other thing.

did you think i would poison you? a spell of sorts? that i would miraculously baby-trap you? 

what the actual fuck was *that* about?

you are in my blood like holy wine

you taste so bitter, and so sweet
oh i could drink a case of you, darling
and i would still be on my feet, i would still be on my feet

-jonî

whoever it was you saw when you looked at me; that wasn't me, by the way. if i could tell you one thing, but i can't. you'll eventually have to consider human beings' infinite capacity for projection, like i had to do when my first love took an undergraduate intro to psychology course.

were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday

did i paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? / a universe away
-swiftî

you go thinking you're all friendly just to get slapped with a "oh, i'm just a simple guy" or "get thee to a nunnery" or "why do you care about me that much?" honestly, i don't know. clearly there has been a mistake.

is it a mean streak, a desolation sound

a copy of desire, oh, nothing's that far down
-gordî

and right about now i find myself in perfect sympathy with middle-aged men with tears in their eyes discussing hamlet. 

zamâne bizde cevher sezdügiçün dil-hırâş eyler

anunçun bağrumuz hûndur maârif kânıyuz cânâ
-bâkî 

i keep saying information, but that's exactly what i mean. the information i was getting was sauteed onions, yes, damp and a faint whiff of smoke, all overlaid with cortisol, and lo! i was saved. the answer came from the very depths of my consciousness where the oldest knowledge resides: this animal doesn’t smell good, alleluia!

 

now i'm free,

free fallin'

-pettî

is this how you feel all the time?

there's never really any safety in it
please do it again

-karîn









-epilogue-


hey joe, i said, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
-jimî

what i feel now about you then

i'm just glad i can explain
you're beautiful and close and young
in those ways we were the same
-mattî

i just smelled you again yesterday, i'm not sure how that happened, but you smelled of good clean sweat. no idea where that leaves me.

am i better off?

am i better than this?

am i better?

i recall it all forever

how we sheltered in our place
and we called each other lovers
in the latter days

i recall it all forever

--how there was no hiding place

so we called each other brothers

(in the latter days, in the latter days)

-anaïs