meta!

it's STRIKETHROUGH late /STRIKETHROUGH early, and it occurred to me that this place didn't have enough angst. so there:

-i nearly threw my waterglass at the monitor just now because I NEED A STRIKETHROUGH THINGY IN MY TEXTBAR THINGY DAMMIT. that sounds dirty. YES I KNOW THE TAG. I DON'T CARE. also, that's not true. i'll never throw a glass anywhere. cause then it will shatter and all the pieces will bounce off places and it will hurt.

(i wrote something about contamination by onions and dreaming of perfect salad greens here at which point i realized this isn't working at all. i still write letters in my head to people that actually exist, usually when i'm feeling cornered. then i try to write it down and i start thinking. thinking, so not conductive to producing written angst. i want to write angst! help.)

i wrote this, for example (3May):

"[blah blah thesis blah] ...so the next time i'm just going to open my eyes really wide and say something about [censor this part] depending on which you it is with as much wonder as i can manage, and suddenly i'm not the one who's thinking they're missing something. before i know it the time will be up and i'll have somewhere to be. this is a draft, draft i say. close the window. i crack myself up."

and this (26Aug)

"...i won’t be angry anymore. just, you know, ashamed that i thought of these things (let alone type them out, horrors)."

there! angst about angst!