the lord is my shepherd, i shall not want.*

for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, i found myself listening to a choral recording of the (apparently) baha'i prayer "o god, my god, my beloved, my heart's desire."**

and for all i think about sexual frustration and religious belief daily, both separately and together, i've never considered the possibility of getting one's emotional kicks from god. i mean i had, but not like that.

because i was translating, er, something, and i hesitated over "i felt pantheistic then" and put an anatopic term as placeholder and did not stop to think, now, did i? when i thought god i never, ever thought object of adoration. (can you blame me?)

(there's the mother, the father, the bird, the knight: you'll notice none of these words rhyme with "lovelier".)

*the kjv is wise.
**there is a story that goes with this. it involves men on some desert journey and is therefore profoundly uninteresting.